May 2013
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Boston, please stop.
Really, I understand: Our city was attacked. Two fuck-ups scared the shit out of us on Marathon Monday. #BostonStrong
Okay. I’ll be frank with you, Boston. I’m so sick of hearing and seeing #BostonStrong. Aside from location, I don’t see why this tragedy is a Boston thing.
Atlanta was bombed; Oklahoma City was bombed; NYC was torpedoed with planes. Then, it was a human...
April 2013
12 posts
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“Everything ends badly. Otherwise, it wouldn’t end.”
– Tom Cruise, Cocktail
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I just realized . . .
… that I have a serious thing for black cherry flavor. I often have:
Diet Black Cherry Soda
Black Cherry-Flavored Club Soda
Black Cherry Candles
Black Cherry Ice Cream
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Canceling Porn Memberships: Always Fun
David
2:52:10 p.m.
i want to cancel my account
Cashmar
2:52:18 p.m.
Sure i can help you with that . Please hold one moment while I bring up all your information on the account
2:53:22 p.m.
Our records show that you currently have two accounts, the first to men.com and the second to juicyboys.com.
2:53:34 p.m.
You were last billed 1.00+1.00.
David
2:53:42 p.m.
correct
...
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Random Thoughts:
I haven’t been on Tumblr in a while. Whatever.
I want to fuck Norman Bates on Bates Motel. He’s 21, okay?
I had a dream last night in which I was given a weird HIV test result: not positive or negative—I got a “maybe.” I was sad.
I keep forgetting that most American are fucking stupid, trashy fuckheads—until I watch reality TV.
Vaginal discharge.
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March 2013
23 posts
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“You could have just driven away.
Just driven away without a care in
the world...”
– Away from Her(Saddest movie ever)
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masturbatingklaine:
At dinner my family and I were watching TV and there was a guy on it and I was like “I know him from somewhere!” and I couldn’t figure out where I knew him from and then it that said he was a gay porn star and dinner suddenly became very awkward.
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“Whatever you do, don’t see a therapist with an accent.”
– My PCP who happens to have an indecipherable accent
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“THERE IS NO BATHROOM!”
– Arnold Schwarzenegger, Kindergarten Cop
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“Perfect is boring. You’d hate it.”
– Sign above my desk
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Naked House
The best part of living alone is being productive and naked at the same time. And no one will ever know that you (I) did the following au naturel …
Wrote a report
Made cheeseburgers
Made a salad
Made chicken sandwiches for lunch this week
Folded laundry
Spoke to my boss
Watched For a Good Time, Call …
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February 2013
86 posts
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Losers.
absolutzo:
I have this really serious aversion to “Thank you for all the birthday wishes!” posts on Facebook. I can’t explain it. Am I the only one?
A-fuckin-men
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Work Jargon
Working in corporate America (and market research) teaches you to speak like an asshole. Here are the words and phrases I overuse:
Leverage
Align/alignment
Low-hanging fruit
Great! Thanks.
Barriers
Resources
Thought Starter
Laddered-up
Triangulate
Integrate
Objective: Explore/unearth/identify/assess/examine ABC to inform XYZ.
Re:
Top-of-mind
Nice work! Just one suggestion: [insert...
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“I AM NOT GAY!”
– Jacob, Nico Tortorella, The Following
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