Helen Keller Was a BITCH

Honestly. Have you seen THE MIRACLE WORKER? Helen Keller was rude, inconsiderate, and high-maintenance. How is it possible that someone who can’t even hear, talk, or smell see be such an asshole? Well, that’s the most insightful thing about the Helen Keller story—not that she managed to integrate into society without any senses. Somehow, Helen managed to become a prime See You Next Tuesday. 

Let’s put Helen Keller back in her place, okay? Here’s how: Helen Keller jokes.

Q: How did Helen Keller’s parents punish her?
A: They put the plunger in the toilet without telling her.

Q: Why did Hel’s dog run away?
A: Wouldn’t you if your name were “MEHHHHHH!!!!!!”? 

Q: Why didn’t Hel answer the phone while she was masturbating?
A: She was too busy making noises with her other hand.

Q: How do you get Hel to shut the f*ck up?
A: Crush her fingers.

Q: Why can’t Hel drive?
A: She’s a woman.

Maybe, now, Hel, you can be a little humbler. Can you even read this? Does Tumblr have a Braille version?